...and they're off. Maybe.

OK. So the National Novel Writing Month (or NaNoWriMo) starts tomorrow, November 1st. I signed up to participate, filled out a profile and everything. The goal is to write 50,000 words in 30 days.

I am completely scared out of my mind.

I am scared I won’t finish. I mean, c’mon – I can’t even update this blog on a semi-regular basis.

I’m scared that it will suck. The problem with all of my writing is that I hate it as soon as I put it down. I also don’t dare show anyone because someone close to me will tell me that is does suck, I’ll lose any confidence that I had, and then I definitely won’t finish it.

I’m scared that if it doesn’t suck, that I won’t be able to sell it. I mean, what’s with all the work if I can’t sell it? Isn’t that the ultimate goal?

I’m scared that no one will like it, whether I sell it or not. I’ve always felt that my writing was always such a part of me, as silly as that sounds. I don’t like opening myself up, I don’t like being vulnerable. I am not a risk taker—at least, not where this is concerned.

Most of all, I’m scared I’m over thinking this.

Why did I sign up to do this again?

I guess that I feel that, as the founder of this contest says, writing a novel is a “one day” goal, as in “one day I’ll write a novel”. This is to get people to commit to an attempt and to reach the goal. Which makes sense to me.

I watch other authors and the juggernauts they’ve created: Stephenie Meyer, J.K. Rowling. I mean, Holy Cow, I will probably never be able to do that. They’ve changed pop culture, for goodness sake. I’m not that good.

I wish that I thought that I was. Maybe this would be easier. Maybe that’s what I am most afraid of, beyond all else:

I’ll find out that I don’t have any talent at all. Dreams are always safer staying tucked into your heart.

Opening my heart is always scary.

The Prince Charming Myth

So, I picked up the vampire issue of Entertainment Weekly last week (Me? Obsessed? No....), and read it over the weekend.

I love how almost all of the other vampire genre authors snub Twilight in one form or another. One, though, actually appreciated the buzz it's created and how it benefited her by generating interest in her novels.

Something that one of the other authors interviewed, though, caught my attention in her diss of the Saga.

Laurell K. Hamilton, author of the Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series (which I have not read), said:

"They [meaning fans of Twilight] like the idea that (Bella) was like the fairy princess and (Edward) is the handsome prince that rides in and saves her. The fact that women are so attracted to that idea -- that they want to wait for Prince Charming rather than taking control of their own life -- I find that frightening."

Uh...What?

OK, I kind of see her point. I also kind of think she's cracked.

Maybe I can help. Here's my take.

Bella was a lost soul -- an old one, perhaps, but still a lost soul. So was Edward. Together, they completed each other. He didn't "save" her from finding her own life. She found her life -- and took control of it -- when she found him. She was the one pushing her way into his life, while he feared her presence in it, wanting her to pursue a more human existence. He "saved" her from the villain in the first book, she saved him from himself in the second, he saved her from the villains in the third, and she saved HER ENTIRE FAMILY in the last book, her new husband Edward included.

The attraction that I think women have to this story is the desire to find that one person that completes their circuit -- the Ying to their Yang, as it were. It's the same theme that most love stories have. Who, on earth, wants to wander this life alone? You always want to think that there is a companion out there for you, whether he's from another time (Outlander), another species (Twilight), or just a good ole' human.

Twilight is not about a girl pining for marriage and then -- viola! -- a man enters into her life who just happens to want the same thing -- marriage to a girl pining for him.

This isn't Cinderella, Ms. Hamilton. Of course, this really isn't about Prince Charming, now is it?

Does anyone have an original thought anymore?

I was reading the hubbub over Stephenie Meyer supposedly plagiarizing Breaking Dawn from some unknown chick's book. (Note to unknown chick - get a life already. Tell your lawyer to do the same.) After reading some people's responses to the various articles that I read, the thought occurred to me - Does anyone have an original thought anymore?

Think about it. Hollywood is in this weird time warp - making a live action Smurfs (dear god), the Transformers' movies, and - wait for it - Tron 2 (oh, for the love of everything holy...).

In this age of YouTube, FanFics, blogs, everyone sharing every. frickin'. thing. instantly...Somewhere along the way, people's thoughts are going to cross and get jumbled up together.

(I will say that this moron put her original, unpublished work on her web site for any and all to see, then cries that someone may have actually read it and thought enough of it to use it. I don't think Meyer copied it, but seriously...someone send that chick a paw print, stat.)

I have the crazy notion of writing a novel someday. However, stories like this make me think and rethink it all the time. My life has always been influenced by comic books, movies, magazines, TV shows...I am quite the media baby. How then am I expected not to use some of these ideas to spur my own creativity? Am I copying or paying homage? Who is to judge anymore? The internet has turned copyrights onto its ear. Who the hell knows what is actually "original"?

I mean, the land of make believe can't seem to figure it out - how should we?

I'm Such a Loser...

Well, maybe that's a bit harsh, but that's how I feel.

First, I've been remiss about updating this blog. I will never attract a following at this rate. For not posting lately, I apologize.

Second, I am a loser because my diet lasted like 4 days. I was sick as a dog going through sugar withdrawals and stress, so I think I need to regroup and start over. God, I wish I could quit eating altogether. It would be SO much easier. Think of all the time I'd save! LOL.

Third, I am totally geeking out about New Moon and just about anything Twilight related. I am so not someone who falls for hype, but wow...I am over the moon, as it were.

I am also not one who cares for FanFics (the characters belong to their original story, in my mind, and can only be accurately portrayed by the one who created them), but I've been giving some of them a chance, and some are really good. Check out one example: Let Your Light Shine. O. M. G. I'm tempted to write one myself, but...I would feel guilty about it. I usually like to take inspiration from stories I like, and embellish my own.

Which takes me to the last reason that I am a Loser (this is one with a capital L): I am going through my worthless period again. Let me explain that.

I don't feel like I've accomplished anything. I'm sitting here, thirty-effing-four years old and I have. done. nothing. My husband says he looks at my biggest two accomplishments every day. This from a man who's biggest aspiration in life right now is to sit all day, undisturbed, playing Guild Wars. Y'know, 'cause Scooter's got to get to level 9 and all. {grrrrr....}

Anyway...

I'll save more for tomorrow, otherwise I may not have anything to write about. :-)

Later.

Why does everything have to be politicized?

Are you freaking kidding me?

In the last few days, I've been all over on the web - reading news, keeping up on message boards, playing games...

...but one thing I am sick of seeing...

...sh** being politicized that have no business being so.

Example 1 - Reading tributes on Huffington Post to Michael Jackson. You would read comments on both sides (good and bad), then someone will say something like: Why aren't we talking about Iran? or Neda's death (Iran conflict) is more important.

WTF?

Then, I go over to a parenting site, and someone is asking on a Twilight board what political party the Cullens belong to, and one wrote that her heart is broken because they are libs (Edward drives a Volvo, for Pete's sake - apparently that's a liberal signature).

Who cares?

Can we all enjoy stuff or comment on stuff without making a freaking huge deal out of it? Two things you don't speak of in polite company - religion and politics. There's a reason for that.

Does everything have to turn into a hot-button issue? We were talking about romance novels, of all things, on one blog, and some nitwit posts:

"And as for role models for women - I'm in favor of the strong, brave, and beautiful young women of Iran - the ones at the barricades, wearing green and fighting for freeddom."

OKAAAAAY...

Hate to see your stress level, genius.

Falling in Love

I had already been thinking about this post entry before I read this column by Vicki Iovine about her love for "Mommy Porn".

I originally was going to talk about the fact that men hate falling in love once you get past "that part" of your relationship. After reading this column, though, I think it may be larger than that.

My DH is a sweetheart, but not romantic. Oh, he was at one time. I tell him that I was "sold a bill of goods", because the man I met is not the same man I married. Therefore, I retreat to places where men were men, women are strong and beautiful, and they have fantastic sex (or, as in the case of the Twilight saga, they allude to it).

It seems that more women experience this than would care to admit. Which is why the romance market is oh-so lucrative. It's "Mommy Porn".

Again, using Twilight as an example (since it's the most recent series that I've read). The story is not airtight, the writing style is a bit lacking in spots, the hero(es) are a bit over the top in their devotion.

However, I think the reason that women - especially moms - fall in love with it is because they feel like they are falling in love right along with Bella. It was really genius to write it from her point of view. Women can relate to this. I think moms appreciate it, not just because it takes them back to a time before kids and responsibilities, but it takes them back to a time when it was all about them. The "wooing" part of the relationship. "That part".

Another appealing aspect of romance novels (and, keep in mind we are talking real stories here - not dime-store-Harlequin crap) is the man is everything to the female. Protector. Lover. Plays with the kids and then fights the bad guy. Totally unrealistic, sure, in the sum of its parts - but desirable all the same. Those DDDD breasts in "Daddy Porn" aren't exactly real, either. Same principle.

The part that really sucks - and separates the two "porns" - is the fact that, while men may want women to be the same as what they see on-screen, they generally accept that they are not. Women, on the other hand, take these stories to heart and measure their real mates up to these standards. They aren't going to measure up, not in the least. The disappointment is crushing. Which leads you back to your proverbial heroin of choice.

So, you read more and compare more and hurt more and read more and...well, you get the idea.

Ms. Iovine puts in much more succinctly than I, so I recommend her column.

Team Edward, Team Jacob....or Team Harry?

OK. So I recently finished Twilight. Not the series, just the first book.

Yeah, yeah - behind the times, I know. So sue me. I'm not a 15-year-old girl anymore, y'know (although, the book made me feel that way - and I almost missed it. Almost.).

Anyway, loved it (duh). However, as I sat, perusing Twilight themed Flair for my Facebook page, I discovered something. Apparently, you have to pick a side.

I knew about Team Edward vs. Team Jacob (I am pop-culturally aware). So far, I am on Team Edward (OMG! So seeing what Bella sees in him.). However, Jacob has potential (have you seen Taylor Lautner? Is it wrong to lust a bit after jailbait? Just asking.)

No. What I mean is, you apparently can't like both Harry Potter and Twilight.

Now, in the interest in full disclosure, I haven't read all the Potter's either. Not that I haven't wanted to. I did buy the first book in the series and read it, then watched the movie.

However, I have tried to watch the next installment's movie on ABCFamily when it's on. Ugh. It's the "edited for television" version, and it's like 5 hours, with all the commercials. I don't have that kind of time - or attention span. I hate 2 hour movies. Plus, with the LOs, I figure it's best that I don't watch it when they are around, and....honestly, when are they not around?

I do like the series, though. I have read articles and am fairly aware of the basic plotlines. I also read the end of the last book in Meijer when it first came out (naughty, I know).

I guess, though, I have to pick a team to be on - Team Twilight or Team Harry.

If my library ever gets me a copy of New Moon before I am too old to read it (#57 on the wait list - yippee!)....I'll let you know.